– Emergency! Hello? – Just give me a minute, okay? – Hello? Emergency! Hello? Emergency! Emergency! – OK. Come in. – Ah, I’m so sorry. My sister-in-law is missing.
I think we need to call the forest rangers. – Who? – The rangers? The people who patrol the forest? – Well. You’re looking at one. – You, yourself? Wow. Wow. – ‘Tis true. I am. I’m officially a California State Forest Ranger. I lost my badge, but not my honor. So what can I do you for? – Uh, my sister-in-law, Carleen, has gone missing from the campsite. We last saw her
walking toward the showers about two hours ago. – Was she drunk? – No. – Was she high? – Not to my knowledge, no. – OK, so she’s lost and sober. That’s the worst. All right, give me a second to think. You’re rightfully concerned. – OK. – But my deputy, Francine,
recently retired to Leisure World. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it. – No. – It’s a nationally recognized active senior community on a super fun site near Seal Beach. It’s a very nice way to live out your days. – OK. – But unfortunately, that’s gonna leave me deputy-less. So I can’t help you, man. I’m sorry. – Well, I’m untrained and unskilled, but I’d
happily volunteer my services. – Turn around for me. – You mean, turn around? – Yeah. – Right, right now? – OK. – OK? – You’re hired. – OK. Got your bug spray, your compass,
and your stun gun, yes? – Oh, um, I actually left the stun gun behind. – Fuck, Walt! When? – Uh, when you were washing your armpits with
the Fiji water. I’m not comfortable holding that, so, uh,
George has it in his tent for safekeeping. – Well, God, Walt, you’re already half the
deputy that Francine was. But we’ll make do. Well, my best guess is that Carleen got off the
trail somewhere around Arapaho Bend, probably transfixed by some red berries or something. – I’m really impressed with your knowledge of these woods. – Well, it’s my life’s work. I’m just happy I found it when I could still enjoy it, you
know? This land is my life. My home. I truly am a blessed person, Walt. Or I was. Fuck, I was. Don’t ask. Don’t ask. She left last night, Walt. After months of threats, both
veiled and all too clear, she’s gone. – Your wife? – Yes, my wife. All because I had the audacity to ask for what I want. – Well, what, what do you want? – I want a child. – Ah. – I just, I want to be a mother. But Nan,
she couldn’t give up her freewheeling Coachella attitude. Now she’s gone to live with a bunch
of freegans that she knows from her one year at Colorado State. God, they’re probably diving
in dumpsters and having tickle fights. – Well, you know what? If you weren’t on the
same page about what you want, then maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. – Oh, yeah? – Yeah. Lust will only get you so far. The rest is good hard work. – Is that right? – Yeah. – And how’s that working out for you, Walt? Huh? Come on!