Fat Idiot has a Heat Stroke in Yosemite
Articles,  Blog

Fat Idiot has a Heat Stroke in Yosemite

It’s beautiful out here, dude. It’s beautiful. Love it out here. Yosemite National Park. No… no technology. No YouTube. No cellphones, you know? Take a look around, Hila. Alright, come on dude. Don’t fuckin- it’s not about the nature dude. Focus on me. You’ve- you’ve got like, bear lockers here. You gotta lock all your food up in a bear locker so the bears don’t come… fucking kill your whole family tonight. And you’ve got like, here’s the trick here. You push a little button here *pFT* The bears, they- they can’t- they can’t work their stupid little fucking bear hands in there. Get that open. Only humans can do that. And that’s the great thing about being me. And the great thing about being this guy here, he’s trying to run from the camera, that’s my brother Sean. He’s also got fingers, and he can open a bear locker. And that’s why he’s a great guy and I like him a lot for that reason. So, that’s it guys. Welcome to Yosemite. Ha- look over here. Look at all the mountains up there, Hila. Alright, take it easy, dude. It’s not about the fucking nature, it’s about me and you. It’s called Ethan and Hila, not Nature. Hila: You’re putting on socks? Yeah. It’s gonna be freezing up there on the mountain dude, I’m sure. Last time I was here it was snowing. It’s always cold in Yosemite, I’m telling you. Hila: But I think you’re gonna be hot. You’re gonna be freezing. Sure, it- AH! Eugh! It’s only cause we’re at the base of the mountain, but Once we get a little further up, I’m going to be really comfortable and you’re going to be freezing cold, I’m sure of it. Hila: I don’t know, it’s pretty hot right now. We’ll see dude. We’ll see who’s hot. You cold, Hila? Hila: No. Not cold yet? Well, after- after this hill here, you’ll be cold. You’re gonna, you’re gonna be cold. Sure of it. Mm. [Choking, spitting] [Coughing] [Coughing] What is this crap, hiking? Like I need to lose weight? I’ve got the body of a god. They act like walking’s even good for you. It’s bad for your knees, that’s what I read in a science journal. I just do sit-ups at home, on my computer chair. That’s the best. It’s not even that nice here. I’ve seen better images on Google Maps. I wish there was Pepsi Max in this water jug. Why does it have to rain water, why can’t it rain Pepsi Max? God, dude, it tastes so good. This natural spring water’s the best shit dude, it’s rejuvenating. [Slurps] Oh, it tastes like asphalt! Don’t drink the water, dude! [Coughing] Don’t drink the water! Eugh. God I feel sick. My mom’s BATHTUB water tastes better than that. I wonder if there was deer poop in that water. I’m probably gonna get deer poop AIDS now. Fuck! Ethan: Are you hungry, Hila? That’s our lunch, baby. Yeah! Looks tasty, dude. Nice little protein. [Slurps]. Yeah, dude! Put it up your nose like those fuckin’ weirdos who eat spaghetti. [Sniffs] [Slurps] Yeah! Can you please call the park ranger? This guy’s gonna get taken out. Dude, make a hustle dawg. You’ve got a hundred legs, you can move fucking faster than that! I’m very comfortable, by the way, with the weather right now. I’m feeling very cool, and relaxed. Getting up high in the elevation. And, uh, I’m very comfortable. So guys, here is the prairie dog, your semi-value rodent. Really intelligent, curious guy. And, just like life itself, you find yourself becoming curious just looking at it. Now, we’ve just thrown it a couple nuts, and we were explicitly instructed not to do that, by the park ranger Under the threat of imprisonment and a very large fine, but guys, trust me when I say I know a lot more about nature than they do. And we’re just gonna be sitting here, feeding him nuts, all day long. I mean, he’s cute. He’s cute, he’s lovable, and he’s fearless. Just like me. Also, they’re a very dangerous carrier of a deadly virus that’s submitted through their claws and their feces. So these guys- these tourists here are in big jeopardy right now. Very big danger. I wonder if somebody’s going to tell them that. So…let’s just watch and see if they get infected here, cause this could be the end of their vacation right now. This could be it for them. Go, dude! Fuck off dude, don’t follow me. Hey! Is it normal to be like, really wet under your clothes? Like, really, really wet? I feel really wet right now. Hila: Are you okay? Hila, slowed: Are you okay? What? Hila: Are you okay? [Dramatic music] Hila: Ethan? What? Hila: Are you okay? I’m okay dude, I’m comfortable, dude. I’m warm.
Hila: What happened? It’s just a little hot. Dude, what happened? Shit, dude, somebody left their clothes there. Hila: Oh what? Shit, dude. Let’s go. Dude, fuck this, let’s go. [Cheery music]


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *