Japanese Convenience Store Picnic
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Japanese Convenience Store Picnic

So even though we’ve been married for over ten years now It’s still really important for us to go on dates and one of the things we like to do here in Japan is fill up A picnic basket and go down to the park. Today we’re going to take you on one of our picnics So you can see what we do I will say: the one thing that’s quite different is we usually come out really late at night time — (Right) because all the mosquitoes are usually gone they’re sleeping. We might be here during peak mosquito time period. Now, you know what? Let’s just set the mood with a little bit more…Romance, okay? Mm, doesn’t that smell great — what — *sniffs Simon* Oh. Is that Eau de Deet smell? I am… DEETermined to love you forever. That’s…gonna not…no… That’s making the final (I don’t want them) cut of the video, girl. Okay, so I filled up this picnic basket today, Simon does not know what I got, (No.) I went on a little adventure (Yup.) and filled it up with some unique things (Uh-huh.) that we’ve never tried before, (Okay.) and that you guys have probably not tried before. (Sure!) Um, so let’s see what I have in my picnic basket– NO DON’T LOOK. I’m looking first. Okay, you look first. / Cuz there’s some meltable items. Ohh~ (OOh!) Oooooooh. Does this box have a rounded edge? It does! It’s, um, quite a bizarre — I mean, Japan’s good for it’s packaging, You can’t even figure out — You’re like, “Open…” No there’s an open tab! This is the open tab! I’ll open — Oh, I opened it the wrong way. Oh, ducky. Okay…This doesn’t look like the most natural…ice cream…I’ll be honest. It’s the sand, remember? This little puck right here? Of ice cream… Did it stay cold, though? Yeah, it’s cold! Sweet! You have no idea how much ice I packed into our picnic basket. (Oooh.) Our picnic basket might be 80% ice, and I just couldn’t fit anything else in. I just made the mistake of, uh, licking my fingers Umm… (Oh, what’d it taste like?) Ooooh, it was — um — ! ( Oh, was it David Beckhams EAU DE DEEEEEET ~~~~) DEET-Y! Japan really does green tea right. (Mmm!) You hated green tea flavor. ( I did! )When we were living in North America, you hated green tea everything. Wow, that is SUPER delicious. Oh, what’s that? I didn’t pack any napkins. Okay, so…( So you thought these picnics we went on were romantic, I probably should’ve not put that adjective at the beginning. These are sloppy and fun picnics that we go on together. Okay, you know why this exploded? The outside’s coated in white chocolate! ( That’s it! ) This is white chocolate! (White chocolate outside to keep it together, [Yeah.] Green tea ice cream on the inside with red beans in there. This is AMAZING. I can’t believe we’ve never got this before. It actually — when you look at it, it looked pretty like — *sad sounds* But when you taste it, it’s phenomenal. How are we gonna clean ourselves up for this?! Mmm… C’mere, puppy! Come here, puppy! And that’s how we killed a dog with Deet fingers. (Hang on.) We got… DEET-ained by the police afterwards. Inside smooth and creamy, azuki beans on the inside were not obnoxious, it wasn’t like a pile of beans in your mouth, you’re just like “BEAAANS!” And the outside was SO light and crispy; ( Yeah. ) I almost felt like that was healthy for me. *Ridiculing laughter* Don’t fool yourself, girl. Don’t fool yourself. I would like to mention the next couple of things we pull out of the basket will not be as messy. We needed to get this over with before it melted all over the place. See, because this is my dinner and we started with dessert, so… I really wanna lick my hand! ( Don’t, I’m telling you it’s a bad idea! ) It’s a bad idea, girl! Maybe just the palm! Who licks their palms?!? People lick their fingers, nobody ever licks their palms! Uh, we’ll be right back after this short commercial break. “Made for men, by men, for men. That don’t wanna get, like, a million mosquito bites, and are okay with smelling like a pinecone dipped in lighter fluid. (No pay David Beckham.)” And we’re back. So smooth matcha ice cream — Really? Really, high-pitched biker with no brakes?? Really? HONESTLY. ( HONESTLY. ) H O N E S T L Y.. This is the theory we talked about! That the reason they have squeaky brakes are so that people get out of their way, while I put jingle bells on my bike. You actually put a … bell on and you were so obnoxious for the past couple of weeks that I actually had to remove it. Cuz it was really, really bad. Some of us don’t like honking their horn, but, like, subtly getting people to move out of the way with their tringles. Girl, you should’ve just used an air horn, it would’ve been more subtle. *Honking SFX* Our main meal for the day. ( Ooh! ) Ohhh~ ( OOOH! ) That looks like gochujang, that looks like an egg, that looks like beef with sesame This looks like a Korean… ( Probably like bulgogi…Isn’t that cool? ) Was this supposed to be microwaved? No. It’s cold. You’re sure. ( Yeah. ) 100%? No! Okay! Let’s take a look! I’m pretty sure this is supposed to be cold, like, they have like a warm meal section and, like a cold, um, noodle…stuff? Sure! This I got from a convenience store. And Japanese convenient stores are bombastically amazing. So you think of, like, 7-11 in North America Which, in Europe, I don’t think you guys have them. Let me know if you do have them! 7-11s are like the garbage place to get diarrhea. You’re like, “Hey, did you want diarrhea? Go in and buy, like, a ten-year-old hotdog.” Wait, is there a classy place to get diarrhea? Yeah! ( What is it? ) In Le Taco Bell. Ohh, Le Ta — eeeh, yeah. Do we have any spoons? UUUUM. No. Oh, okay! In JAPAN, you lift the bowl to your mouth! Ahhh, so….. *Martina dodges a bullet* Okay… At this point, it’s looking a bit like a really bizarre spaghetti Mmm. ( Good? ) God, this is… So terrible. That means it’s good, because Simon does reverse psychology on me all the time. ( Holy smokes! ) Is it good?!? ( The broth under it’s almost terrible, but as soon as you get out of the sauce and the kimchi? ) WELL DONE, Martina. ( I know! ) Well done, madam. It’s not even super sweet kimchi, like what we usually get in … ( REALLY?!? ) Yeah! How many of these bowls did you buy? One. One. Really? ( Just one. ) We’re gonna do that Lady and the Tramp business. ( Oh no… ) Oh no!!! ( It’s got gochujang, it’s gonna spray everywhere!! ) OH NOOOO! Oh~ ( Mm~ ) I was about to get in a fight for that noodle, I was like ARGH. RRRRRRRGH And then I’m like, no way. ( We’re both sucking hard, need to do that again! ) Urgh. ( Um. ) That doesn’t…That didn’t sound right at all. That’s actually really great. Hey, are you done eating the rest of my…my entree? I mean…. You made this picnic for ME! Remember, this is … ( The Meems! ) … romance time? I have a question. ( Yes. ) How do you think we could bring dogs over here to this picnic? My guess is because we’re a little bit off the path right here, if we lay a little trail of snacks, ( Yes. ) they would walk towards us… ( そうですね [I see.] ) And then we could have them in our video. I do think that Japanese owners have their dogs on leashes? And I don’t know if they want them to take stranger danger cookie treats? But I’m sure that, like, if the owners, like, are suspicious, and then they see — us like — “Haaa!” Then I think that they’ll be more even more suspicious! ( They’ll be MORE SUSPICIOUS! ) And then they yank their dog away! So even though we do date night sometimes in the park, we also, like, go to a date night at restaurants from time to time. And we have, like, this little French bistro that we go to once a month and we have date night there. And I always like to start our date night ( Oh no. NO, no, now I know exactly what you’re gonna say. ) SO. Thank you for coming out on a date with me today. I’m glad that our friends set us up. So, what– what line of work are you in? *Nonchalantly pantomimes smoking* What– what kind of hobbies do you have? Can I tell you about mine? I really like playing Final Fantasy Brave Exvius on my iPhone. *smoker voice* I clean elephants’… uhhh…. intestinal tracts? I think you look pretty…wonderful…. I put on rubber gloves and I get RIGHT UP— If we were on a first date and we met each other, and Simon was like, “I really like playing Final Fantasy Ex…vius! I….. And that’s it!” It’s BRAVE EXVIUS! BRAVE. EXVIUS! NOT REGULAR EXVIUS! IT’S BRAAAAAVE!!! This date’s over! It’s over! Simon! We missed a doggy! Aw, there’s another doggy! Augh, you had your chance! You had your chance but you SCARED THEM with your Final Fantasy rant! Let’s try our little…. Limp taiyaki. ( Half for you and half for me. ) I’m gonna rip this bad boy open. Yeah, that’s delicious, that’s like a … ( It is de-licious. ) That’s a mixture of whipped cream and custard in the middle. Not whipped cream! Custard’s right! ( Custard and what? ) On the outside– ( Oh, is that like a mochi??? ) Yes! Oooh! It’s a mochi custard…white taiyaki. This is the best thing of the night! Really? Over the ice cream sandwich? Mm-hmm! For sure! That was great. You wanna eat the last bit of yours? Because you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Vroom-vroom vroom vroom vroom… Tastes like Deet! And this is now the part of the video in which we say the things that we love about each other. Oh. Is that what we’re gonna do? Yup! We’re gonna say one nice thing about each– ( Only one nice thing. ) When we say one nice thing about each other, let’s hope that everybody back home thinks to themselves, what’s one nice that they can say to their loved one. ( Yeah. ) Whether it’s a family member, or a friend, or a LOVER. (OR A LAHVEHRRR.) I really love how much you take care of me. When I’m having a really hard day, you will get me an ice pack, and you will bring me coffee in bed, and you’ll bring me downstairs and– and bring my pig– my pig hat, and my stuffed toy pig, and I know that you could just go on about your day, and be like, “Whatever!” Like, “You’re in a bad mood!” And you could just, like, leave and do your own thing. But I really appreciate how much you show me love and care for me. For my sweetheart. ( It means a lot to me. ) Ah, shit I’m gonna cry! I shouldn’t have started doing this part! ‘KAY, that’s it for this week’s video! *aggressively clears throat* Should I zoom into your eyes using the macro lens? You’re my ducky, I wanna take care of you forever. Thanks, pancha. I really love that I feel motivated when I’m around you to do better, to be better. To try harder. To be something that I wouldn’t be if I was on my own. ‘Cuz if I was on my own, I don’t think… I’d do half of the things that I wanna do if it wasn’t for you around. Thanks, pancha. I love you, girl. I love you too. Mm-hmm. So much Deet. ( So much Deet! ) We…need to not spray you in the face with Deet. ( No… That was…That was a bad idea. ) It is not a pleasant… lip taste. Alright, ducky, let’s pack up! Uh, next time, are you gonna surprise me with a picnic? Yeah! Next time, I’m gonna surprise you– With TWO HUNDRED DOLLAR GRAPES! WHAT WHAAAAT! WHA-WHAAA! Ahhh… I probably will. Nooo, ducky! I probably will! He pulls out of the basket and just opens it up– “Eyyy!” The dog is coming back. I’m DEET-ermined for him to come here. C’mon, Martina! Get your things together. Look at the — Hello, doggy! Hello!!! Hello! ( Hi! ) Hello! Ah, yes! You’re so — excited! Beaaautiful doggy! Hello! ( Hi! ) Aw, yes! Is this the best video ever? This is the best video ever. You’re a good dog! ( You’re so good! ) Awh… Aw– okay– are you my dog now? It’s okay! It’s okay! Hi Tom! ( Awh, beautiful Tom! ) Hi Tom! ( Hello Tom! ) Hi! Ohhh, Tom! Aren’t you a good boy? ( Ohoh, it’s okay, Tom! ) Okay, Tom, Tom, there you go, Tom. ( Tom is– there you go, Tom. ) No food for you, Tom! Nice to meet you! Hajimemashite! ( Thank you! ) Bye! Bye Tom! ( Goodbye Tom! Goodbye forever! ) Goodbye forever?! ( Goodbye… ) Oh, Tom’s so happy! I love this video now! ( Video needs to end right here. ) That’s it. Let’s go! ( Couldn’t get any more– nothing we could say to make it better. ) Nope!


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