Kenshi – Being a Slave is Rough
Articles,  Blog

Kenshi – Being a Slave is Rough


you see that massive pool of blood with
a mangled corpse in the middle that’s me but to explain how I got to this point
we’re gonna have to rewind a little bit I was browsing Steam and I spotted a
listing for a game called Kenshin and I thought are they finally making games
about 90s animes but it wasn’t Kenshin it was Kenshi and it was too late I had
seen everything open-world sandbox RPG I had to have it but I was
determined to play without looking at any guides such an action is for casuals
and people who actually like to enjoy the games they play this is how that
went you’ve hit absolutely rock-bottom you’re alone unarmed naked and hungry
lost in the middle of a harsh desert timming a slavers he just lost an arm
good luck that sounds perfect begin surely if we get to town we can make it
big have pity and give me money I’ll suck
your dick for some bread I’m just a hole I’m one homeless guy there is why are so
many of you attacking me right now this is police brutality this guy is fit
as hell he’s just sprinting with me in his arms I died already alone naked in a
jail cell this time I’ll be a slave hint get into a cage
straight away to avoid a beating fantastic I can’t wait my name is Bob
I’m Bob the slave Oh two characters Bob and I’m gonna call you Bobette no I
trying to escape I’m doing slave work run Bobette and Bob he’s so much faster
look I’m working look see I’m mining know Bob is just Auto walking
through here and the guards don’t seem to be concerned about it what the hell I
didn’t even tell him to come up here he just went up here on his own
alright butterfingers you stop throwing me on the ground and then he just leaves
I guess he’s got more important slaver stuff to attend to I just escaped
alright I really need food or guy probably Bob though I’m missing a
leg no not like this well at least I lasted longer than my first character
let’s see what’s up with Bob it still being a slave okay it’s time to escape
Bobette oh no they tied me to a post being a slave is rough who would have
thought damn it Bob made it look so easy dammit I forgot to sneak fuck worry
about me I’m just going for a walk guys getting the fresh air that worked they
believed me I escaped
finally freedom I’m surprised they never executed me because I I
never did any work at all was there for six days and literally all I did was try
to escape starve to death in the wilderness at least he died free Bobette
the cannibal hunters you will be attacked immediately upon gamestart and
I recommended for first time play begin oh shit that is a lot of enemies when
they said started combat I thought already not looking very promising
we’re both captured and imprisoned by cannibals so I don’t know why hopes for
this run now I want to point out that the game automatically named him squint
I didn’t pick that name that’s vaguely racist and it wasn’t me it was
the game I swear oh are they at least squint called them a twat in my
defense oh come on does it not turn night here it’s 2200
hours this is not nighttime I was waiting to make my escape well
that run I could have done better make my idle stance perfect try to keep up
Doug meet you may not like it but this is what peak performance looks like
quick grab all the free meat I know oh I was so well off oh I stole this shirt I’m in a recovery coma how long does
that take dead what kind of recovery coma is that
it’s like the opposite of recovery dying I was sitting for you with a bunch of
food I managed to fuck it up by stealing a t-shirt god damn it we’re gonna name
you Sonic how are you so much faster than sonic this is bullshit mmm or a nice
inventory check shit already did even show me this why didn’t you say no I
don’t have anything at least sir could you heal me your guards attacked me when
I stole your stuff I would like some aid nah my poor legs my only regret is that
I have bone-itis oh no stop sneaking wah I’m trapped
here forever this is such bullshit like I literally cannot escape I’m just
trapped here I’m going to make a new character
let’s give me my own stance or slightly cooler is it cool or is it more like a I
have scoliosis kind of kind of deal I can’t tell okay I cannot say your
default name so I will call you look you can’t also be dirt can’t to dirts that
is so confusing you need dirt it oh fuck run oh boy they
are much better equipped than I am I think you’re mostly back in office just
this one guys chasing me now everyone beat the shit out of this guy okay this
is one guys kicking all our asses so st. got taken out immediately before we even
got to him and the other four couldn’t fight him
four on one okay some of my unconscious teammates are being eaten alive by a dog
god dammit nature dirt and dirt at or making their escape before they come
back but things are looking grim for poor Littlefoot he’s the one that picked
take with him god damnit nature fuck off in an M night Shyamalan like twist
Littlefoot is now the one that is free and the other two are captured by
slavers not really sure how that turnaround happened look let’s be neat
in life that’s neat I’ll have to chop my fucking
arm off the body I’ve lost oh my god are you kidding me why does every group
maybe got crabs with them I can’t even get scraps for food cuz I just can’t
even check corpses by the time I wake up again that’s gonna be gone okay or some
people just come by and scoop me up I’m a slave again been enslaved by crab
people note to self never go to this portion of
the map ever again assist awfulness dirt is dead apparently they’re not very
concerned about keeping us alive so dirt it is now officially a strong
independent black woman that’s my chance run fuck guys have to hope whichever one
is two wins they don’t eat me finally civilization damnit pay two
hundred for fucking bed rental didn’t even ask me if I wanted to do that it’s
not like I’m made of money thank goodness I rented the bed next to this
nonsense so I can get a good night’s sleep entice slavers
sign me up buddy no slavers don’t like me now that’s too bad that the people
that attack me multiple times before I got here
now don’t like me bro you just say that to a lady no I’m off to go fight slavers
every single living creature I’ve come across in the wilderness wants to attack
me you guys are all dicks you didn’t do anything with me just beat the shit out
of me then walked away what the fuck is this oh my god I heard of whatever the
fuck’s ah man you gotta do me like that who could have seen this coming hi I’m dirt at will you be an angel for
a helpless animal this is skittles and he hasn’t eaten in
days you see unlike other dogs that eat unconscious slaves skittles here is
entirely sustained through YouTube channel subscriptions your pressing of
the subscribe button says I’m here to help and keep skittles fed for another
day

100 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *