(Anthony) These graphics are worse than my Atari 2600. (Ian) SHUT UP! Are you bored with your normal life and want to go on a fabulous vacation? Well, yeah, but I don’t have any money and I really gotta finish these nuts. Come with me and I’ll take you on a trip to the exciting world of Minecraft! Wait, no! I don’t wanna– Where’s the hotel? It’s in your imagination! You just have to mine resources and build it yourself. That sounds like a lot of work. How is this even a vacation? Better get to that mining! What?! Uh, so I made my house thing. Let’s take a look inside! Okay. So this is the place. It’s kinda bare though. Could I get a bed or something? Sure! You just need to chop down a tree and kill three sheep, then break the wood into planks and lay the sheep carcasses over it. It’s super easy and fun! Okay, okay. All this stuff is really complicated. Do you have a book that has all these crafting instructions? Sure! Oh, wow. That’s a pretty big book. Indeed! But that’s just a book on crafting with wood. – Here’s everything.
– What? (screaming) Okay, how do I get around this stupid Minecraft place? Can I make a car or something? Even better! Just make a mine cart. How do I make it go? It’s simple! Just lay down some railway. It’s still not moving! Well, duh! You have to make a powered rail with redstone and gold, silly! F*ck it! I’ll just walk! Uh…hi. What’s your name? Hey! Hey! Uh, why is this guy just running around, looking at all my stuff and not talking to me? People can’t talk to each other here! You’ll have to type everything to them if you want to communicate. Wow. You would’ve thought with the millions upon millions of dollars this place would bring in they would actually allow you to communicate easily with people. (chuckles) Yeah. And don’t ask what happens at night! What happens at night? Uh…n-nothing. Just look at that beautiful sunset. Oh, yeah! That’s the sunset. (growling) (screaming) Uh…can I get a gun or something?! No guns in Minecraft, but you can use pretty much anything as a weapon, such as a bundle of string! Screw this! I’m just gonna dig a hole and wait until the sun rises. Just like every new miner on their first night. F*cking pussy! F*ck you! (groaning) And everyday, when the sun comes up, you get a cool fire show! – (flames crackle)
– What’s that smell? The rotting flesh of burning zombies! It burns! (screaming) Uh…isn’t it vampires that burn in sunlight? Uh, what? Uh… (speaking distantly) Hey, is it vampires that burn in light or zombies? (angrily) What?! Goddamn it! How did we [bleep]?! Someone’s getting fired for that! (overly chipper) Uh, anyway, time to get back to work if you want to survive another night! Oh, snikey! (groaning) Check out what I got now! I got my mansion. I got a shrine to the endermans so those bitches don’t steal my blocks anymore. Over there is my second house, and right next to it is this 1/16th scale replica of that second house. And the penis fountain that shoots water, and the penis fountain that shoots lava! – And that’s about it.
– Nice work, buddy! Thanks. You know what? I think I’m really starting to like it here. (lighting of fuse) – FUUUUUUU–!
– (massive explosion) What?! I lost everything in my inventory! I spent forever gathering that stuff! (groans) Whatever, at least I still have my mansion. Uh, well, we hope the rest of you will enjoy your stay in the amazing land of Minecraft! FML. (massive explosion) (Ian) Ugh, going in Minecraft sucks! But you know what doesn’t suck? The Honest Trailer for Minecraft. So if you wanna see that, click the video on the right. (narrator) Enter a magical world where the only limits are your imagination! And patience. (Ian) And if you wanna see bloopers from this video, and this… I’m just so physically fit that I can’t actually sweat myself. They have to put fake sweat on me. (directer) Right here! (whimpering) (Ian) Click the video on the left! If you wanna kill that freaking creeper, hit that subscribe button. (muttering) I fricking hate the fricking creepers. Stupid! [captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube]