The GOP Congressman Who Broke The Law At A Picnic
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The GOP Congressman Who Broke The Law At A Picnic


OF COURSE, TRUMP ISN’T THE ONLY
REPUBLICAN AFRAID OF JOHNNY LAW. SO IS NEW YORK CONGRESSMAN AND
MAN POKING HIS HEAD UP FROM BEHIND A CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF A
POLITICIAN AT THE FAIR, CHRIS COLLINS. TODAY, CONGRESSMAN COLLINS WAS
INDICTED ON INSIDER TRADING CHARGES. INSIDER TRADING IS THE WHITEST
OF ALL WHITE COLLAR CRIMES– IF YOU DON’T COUNT CONSPIRACY TO
WEAR KHAKIS TO A JIMMY BUFFET CONCERT. ( LAUGHTER )
NOW, COLLINS IS ON THE BOARD OF A PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY, AND
HE FOUND OUT BEFORE THE PUBLIC THAT THEIR BIGGEST NEW DRUG
FAILED A CLINICAL TRIAL. AND NOW HE’S ACCUSED OF PASSING
THAT INFORMATION ON TO HIS SON, PROMPTING THE SON AND OTHERS TO
SELL 1.78 MILLION SHARES SHORTLY BEFORE THE BAD NEWS WAS MADE
PUBLIC. ONE OF THE REASONS THIS IS
GETTING SO MUCH ATTENTION IS THAT BACK IN 2016, COLLINS WAS
THE FIRST MEMBER OF CONGRESS TO BACK DONALD TRUMP. SO IT’S NOT THE FIRST TIME HE’S
BEEN PART OF A MASSIVE CON JOB. ( LAUGHTER )
AND HERE’S THE CRAZY THING. COLLINS FOUND OUT ABOUT THE
FAILED DRUG TRIAL BY READING AN EMAIL WHILE HE WAS AT THE WHITE
HOUSE ATTENDING THE ANNUAL CONGRESSIONAL PICNIC. IN FACT– AND THIS IS TRUE– CBS
NEWS HAS EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE OF COLLINS ON THE PHONE AT THE
PICNIC. THERE HE IS. IN THE CIRCLE, ON THE PHONE
RIGHT THERE, PRESUMABLY CALLING HIS SON. NOW, WHILE CBS NEWS HAS ACQUIRED
THE VIDEO, “THE LATE SHOW” HAS ACQUIRED THE AUDIO. JIM, ENHANCE:
>>HILO? SELL! SELL! SELL, SELL, SELL! THIS IS CHRIS COLLINS! SELL! NO, WE’LL NEVER GET CAUGHT,
SELL!>>Stephen: ACCORDING,
ACCORDING– IT’S HARD TO HEAR, BUT I THINK HE’S SAYING SELL. ACCORDING TO THE INDICTMENT,
COLLINS TRIED TO CALL HIS SON 15 SECONDS AFTER LEARNING THE NEWS
BUT HAD TROUBLE REACHING HIM, MAKING SIX CALLS IN FIVE MINUTES
BEFORE CONNECTING. NO. IF YOU WANT TO CONSPIRE WITH
YOUR MILLENNIAL CHILDREN, YOU DON’T CALL, YOU TEXT. WHEN HE HEARD THE TRIAL FAILED,
HE SHOULD HAVE SENT THIS: “WE ARE IN DEEP… POOP EMOJI!”
WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. JIM ACOSTA FROM CNN IS HERE. BUT WHEN WE RETURN, I RUIN
SOMEONE’S WEDDING. STICK AROUND!

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