What Donald Trump Did On My Summer Vacation
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What Donald Trump Did On My Summer Vacation


YOU KNOW, THE LATE SHOW WAS OFF
FOR TWO WEEKS, BUT DONALD TRUMP STILL HAD ORIGINAL EPISODES. (LAUGHTER)
SO LET’S CATCH UP, IN TONIGHT’S REPORT: “WHAT DONALD TRUMP
DID ON MY SUMMER VACATION.” (LAUGHTER)
NOW, BEFORE I DIVE IN, I’VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL HERE. I’M NOT USED TO TAKING A
TWO-WEEK DOSE OF TRUMP IN ONE SEGMENT. HE’S LIKE ARSENIC. YOU’VE GOT TO TAKE SMALL SIPS
EVERYDAY SO HE DOESN’T KILL YOU. WHILE I WAS AWAY, TRUMP DID
SOMETHING I’VE NEVER SEEN HIM DO BEFORE: TRY TO APPEAL TO
SOMEONE. THIS WAS HIS PITCH TO BLACK
VOTERS OVER THE WEEKEND:>>TONIGHT I’M ASKING FOR THE
VOTE OF EVERY SINGLE AFRICAN-AMERICAN CITIZEN IN THIS
COUNTRY WHO WANTS TO SEE A BETTER FUTURE. LOOK HOW MUCH AFRICAN AMERICAN
COMMUNITIES HAVE SUFFERED UNDER DEMOCRATIC CONTROL. TO THOSE I SAY THE FOLLOWING,
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE BY TRYING SOMETHING NEW LIKE
TRUMP? YOU’RE LIVING IN POVERTY, YOUR
SCHOOLS ARE NO GOOD, YOU HAVE NO JOBS, 58% OF YOUR YOUTH IS
UNEMPLOYED. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO
LOSE? (AUDIENCE REACTS)
(BOOING)>>Stephen: HE’S A PEOPLE
PERSON. (LAUGHTER)
VERY APPEALING. VERY APPEALING?>>Jon: YEAH, I’LL DEFINITELY
VOTE FOR THAT GUY. (APPLAUSE)
>>Stephen: YOU SEE, YOU’RE OPEN MINDED. THANK YOU FOR STAYING OPEN
MINDED, JON. YES, BLACK PEOPLE, AS FAR AS
DONALD TRUMP KNOWS, YOU’RE ALL POOR, YOUR SCHOOLS SUCK, YOU’RE
UNEMPLOYED, YOUR LAST MEAL WAS A FOOTBALL WITH THE WORD TURKEY
WRITTEN ON IT, SO TAKE A CHANCE! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE? IT’S SUMMED UP IN TRUMP’S NEW
SLOGAN: “YOU’RE ALREADY ON FIRE, SO YOU MAY AS WELL SHOOT SHOOT
YOURSELF IN THE HEAD.” (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE) THAT’S A NEW GAME. I LIKE THAT. NOW, THIS IS GOING TO BE A TOUGH
SELL — JON’S ENTHUSIASM ASIDE — BECAUSE — AND THIS IS
TRUE — AMONG BLACK VOTERS, IN A TWO
PERSON RACE, TRUMP IS IN FOURTH PLACE. (LAUGHTER)
THAT’S LIKE COMING IN THIRD AT SOLITAIRE. (LAUGHTER)
PLUS, LAST WEEK, TRUMP’S CAMPAIGN CHAIRMAN, AND JOE PESCI
CORPSE DOUBLE, PAUL MANAFORT RESIGNED AFTER UKRAINE’S
ANTI-CORRUPTION BUREAU REVEALED THAT HE MAY HAVE RECEIVED
$12 MILLION IN UNDISCLOSED PAYMENTS… BY THE PRO-RUSSIAN
POLITICAL PARTY OF UKRAINE’S PRO-PUTIN GOVERNMENT. I DON’T KNOW WHY THIS WAS
UNDISCLOSED. IF SOMEONE GAVE ME $12 MILLION,
I’D BE AT THE BAR SAYING, “HEY, GUESS WHO JUST GOT PAID
$12 MILLION? OH, AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I
DIDN’T WIN GOLD IN THE POLE VAULT? IT’S A PRETTY GOOD STORY.” (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE) SO, WITH MANAFORT OUT, TRUMP WAS
FORCED TO BRING IN A NEW TRUMP-WRANGLER: BREITBART NEWS
CHIEF AND LESBIAN HAIRCUT MODEL STEVE BANNON. NOW, IF YOU HAVEN’T HEARD OF
BREITBART NEWS– YOU DON’T HAVE A RACIST UNCLE ON FACEBOOK. BANNON IS KNOWN AS A POLITICAL
BRAWLER. ACCORDING TO ONE FORMER
SPOKESPERSON FOR BREITBART: “HE IS SOMEONE WHO IS PRONE TO
PROFANITY-LACED TIRADES AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT.” WHAT A REFRESHING CHANGE FROM
DONALD TRUMP, WHO LIKES TO GO TO BED “EARLY.” AND HE HAS A BOLD NEW DIRECTION
FOR THE CAMPAIGN, BECAUSE “BANNON HAS CONVINCED TRUMP THAT
THE REST OF THE CAMPAIGN NEEDS TO BE BARE-KNUCKLES BRAWL WITH
HUGE RALLIES. GLOVES OFF. THAT’S RIGHT. BANNON THINKS THE REASON TRUMP
IS BEHIND IN THE POLLS IS THAT HE’S BEEN TOO CIVIL, AND NOW THE
GLOVES ARE OFF. THE TINY, TINY GLOVES. (LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) BY THE WAY, DONALD TRUMP WOULD
HAVE NO TROUBLE WITH THE POLE VAULT. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH AMY
SCHUMER.

27 Comments

  • Nya Bobien

    I was on vacation in Florida with my family when I saw this. It was the "highlight" morning before leaving for the Bahamas on a cruise. Thank u Donald Trump. U reminded me why I needed a vacation.

  • Holland Kerr

    "Your youth is unemployed
    You're living in poverty
    Your families are falling apart
    Your music is terrible
    You're overweight
    You're definitely not a 10
    That hair looks fake and bad on you by the way
    My dad could beat up your dad
    Yo mama's so ugly…"

  • Paulo Teixeira

    just… I still can´t get it…. how freaking dumb you have to be to vote for this guy? The lack of respect, of social understanding… just explain me why voters think that a guy that was born rich and never, ever had an hard day of work in his entire life, that never had to worry how to pay the rent, the food or medical expenses is able to understand the regular american family.? "You're in deep shit, so what the fuck do you fear? You can´t go any lower, might as well vote for me and my very rich friends… I'll give you the juiciest bone I can find." You bought that shit as "telling how things are"? Well, I'll tell you how things are: 1st- you're dumb as only one American can; 2nd- You had at least dignity and health insurance to lose… now you'll lose health insurance because dignity… please. 3rd Let's hope you get to see the end of Trumps mandate because I'm sure he doesn't want "losers" like you around. 5th- Where is the fucking wall and when does Mexico first check arrives? How dumb can you guys be? A president that "doesn't read books"??? Really? So you know, and I'm not fooling you, the USA and Trump are the world joke. No one really respect Trump… no one. And the sad part is that the "leader" of the "Free world" can't see that there's not a single country or politician that takes him seriously. Trump is an orange ridicule obnoxious old fart that will destroy USA. Good job.

  • yellingatcows

    Wow coming back to watch this now, it reeks of conman even more. "what do you have to lost trying something new" holy shit

  • William Blevin

    Good day,
    Drumpf is a scumbag, you are what you eat, urine a golden shower wittew Drumpf. Weeeeeeee weeeeeee

    Thank you for your time.

  • David Edwards

    Body language experts will be having a field day with the hat pulled way down like he is trying to hide. I'm nor a body language expert, but that seem worrying.
    The trouble was, the hat wasn't low enough, because the crap kept coming out his mouth.

  • Helene Papageorge

    Americans forgot it was the Republicans & the Banks that tanked the US economy which led to the economic collapse & massive job loss of 2008. What a nightmare.
    History showed how the Obama Admin & Congress Dems & mostly Moderate Republicans are the ones who helped steer America back over the course of 8-10 yrs; Which of course tRump wants to take credit for, But luckily enough of us know the truth.
    Not all Repubs were cooperative. Some Repubs made money by "betting against" their own Economy on Wall Street, who like the Banks, history shows, were also bailed out. And who paid?? the American people. This is where the 1% vs the 99% class war began. It was around this time that the "Tea Totaling Party" Claimed they were being being vilified by the Left by claiming the Left was decalring a "class war" against them. Poor little rich kids. Boo Hoo! Who paid? the American People & they paid with their lives, for some.

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